So, you would think since I already watched it pre-pregnancy...AND CRIED...that I would have better judgement and NOT watch it while I'm 4,928,294 times more hormonal, right?

Wrong.

I do okay, REALLY, until the part where Juno is in the hospital after her son was born, and her dad says, "You'll be here again, but on your terms next time."

My dad/mom (can't remember) told me the same thing over and over when I had Brynn. I was so completely alone, scared, sad, etc. Even though I kept her (duh), it was the hardest part of my life, and it WASN'T on my terms. It WASN'T how I pictured welcoming my first child into the world.

I'm so glad I have that experience, and can understand an entire generation of single moms, but the scars are still there. They are kind of like my knee surgery scar. You can barely see it, but it's left a mark on me, and randomly, without warning will shoot a stabbing pain through my knee.

Having Brynn was like that. It was painful, and hard. Of course well worth it, but so much harder than anything I've ever done. When I watch Juno, I cry for the 20 year old that I was when Brynn was born. I even cry out of jealousy that the father of Juno's baby actually cared. Today, I don't give two you-know-whats about what Brynn's dad thinks of me or her. But 5 1/2 years ago, I did, alot. That's another scar that hurts.

*I* know that I'm worth it, Nick has shown me that over and over again. Shown me how thankful he is that I've had all of our children, that I'm a beautiful woman and great mom...but when Brynn was born, you can't imagine how much it hurts when someone who was truly a great friend, and you know, you happened to give life to their child, completely is gone from your life.

Again, I am SO healed, thanks to God, my family, and friends. But every so often....it hurts.

So yeah, when Nick got home with Brynn yesterday from sledding, and I was crying all over myself while making dinner...he was completely clueless as to what was wrong! I just didn't feel like getting into it!

Speaking of sledding, how about Brynn's sled got stolen by some skeezy man and his two trailer trash girlfriends, according to Nick. Poor kid, she was really upset, but how do you prove it? Besides, Nick said the guy was acting really agressive when Nick asked him about it, and it just wasn't worth it to Nick, of course.

Anyways, we are leaving for Ohio today to go see Karis for a few days! Karis is going to TRY to take some maternity pictures while I'm there...I really am not showing enough yet, but I can push my stomach out and make it look like a really cute pregnant belly (it just hurts!) so we'll see!